Who she is..

On facebook, I have been making more connections to other parents of children with CI. In the process, I also came across a group "No Cochlear Implant" where there are fans that oppose to CI. I became a member as well, because I feel that it's easy to be in groups and agree on CI, but more interesting and important to "mingle" with people that have a different view.
It's not that I want to convince these people that they should say "yes" to CI, it's to make sure that the information they base their opinion on is good information. Not misinformation. 
Also, as a parent it's good to reply to opposite posts and make yourself think.. explain in a clear matter. Not always easy..


One of the people posting there was talking about how choosing for CI means "not accepting who the child is."
Her post was: "i don't believe in cochlear implants whatsoever. i think parents who do this 2 their child can't accept their child 4 who he/she is."

So I replied....


Ah... yes... "Who he/she is"...
The statement you don't believe in it says enough. How could your child ever be successful with CI if you don't believe in it.
We believed in it. And with hard work from our side and her side, we have seen the success we believed in.. and some more.
And "who she is..." Like any child, she's shaped by our decisions... like your child "who he/she is" is defined by the decisions of us.. the parents...
We saw the child that longed to hear, listen and speak, and that's what she is now. 
You might see the child that wants to be deaf... and I hope that is the child you have...
If you live in an area where signlanguage is the norn, he/she will have lots to talk about...
Lotte lives in an area where speech is the norm, and she can't stop talking... :-)

So... "who he/she is.."...
She's exactly what she wants to be...


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Another thing that is mentioned is that the child remains deaf...
Well... 
I myself have a problem looking at Lotte and seeing a deaf child. Everything about her is about speaking, singing... The questions never stop.
And I tried to think about it.... When someone can hear.... Is that person deaf?
I can only say, "She's born deaf. Now she can hear." and I can make her journey more spectacular by focusing of the deafness she had, and the hearing she has now... but I cannot see her as deaf.. I think she has no idea how life would be without sound. Even when the CI is off, she remembers how it is to hear.... 
Actually.... She hears sound without her CI as well.. LOL.. (Will have to find the link ..)

Perfect That Way

I posted the lyrics below in a post on a messageboard. The lyrics are very touching, and even though I do not see Lotte in this way, it is good to realise that there are many different people in this world.

On Hands & Voices, I found the link to the actual singer and a story about her. And, almost as a bonus, there's a MP3 there with the song.. all the way on the bottom.... or click here.

(Get your hankies out!)

Perfect That Way She was born a little less than perfect at least in that doctor's eyes he said that she'll be different much more than you ever realized that girl grew up not knowing the sound of her mama's voice God's gift to her was silence in a world so full of noise and she sings with her smile and talks with her hands she listens with her heart so she always understands she believes there's more to life than the sounds that it makes she's perfect that way shes got a sign for the thunder one for the wind and the rain she's the kind that keeps you laughing and the first to see your pain and she sings with her smile and talks with her hands she listens with her heart so she always understands she believes there's more to life than the sounds that it makes she's perfect that way she believes there's more to life than the sounds that it makes she's perfect that way she was born a little less than perfect at least in that doctor's eyes.

A reaction came on my post, saying:

"Cloggy - I am confused.... you brought up this poem which say that a deaf child is perfect that way. (I really related to that poem) Yet, you had your daughter implanted bilaterally."

My reply was:

"Fair question... My daughter is perfect, like everyone else.

And before we knew about CI, we accepted how this child was going to learn us something. A new language, a new way to "travel"

When we heard about CI, we investigated, and found out that this perfect girl would be able to join us in our hearing world. Would that make her more perfect - NO. (How can one improve on perfect?)

It would however give her more connection to her family, friends, people around her.

Would she be less perfect had she not had CI.. NO.. She would still be her.

We made it possible for her to hear. As parents, we made that choice because she was too smal to do it herself. With making the decision for her, we made sure that the possibilities that are there, are used to the maximum..

Again, she was perfect when she was born. She still is..

Perhaps you have to look at it this way... We didn't fix anything. We gave her someting."

Cochlear Devices & the Deaf Community: Hearing Within

Have a look at this article..
Wish I had read this earlier... but then again... it's never too late...

Cochlear Devices & the Deaf Community: Hearing Within
by Tammy Tillotson

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Email - thoughts about communication

Embracing deaf community is exaggerated. Our daughter was only 1-1/2 when we discovered herdeafness, and the operation was when she was 2-1/4. So, even though we have her in a deafkindergarten (with CI-kids) and we are using sign, we are not really involved in deaf culture.I've read a lot, and we met great people from deaf culture, but our involvement hasn't been thatbig. But we will keep contact and keep learning as we go along.

Where does your deaf child stand in the family. Eldest, youngest? And do all in the house use sign? How is it with family and friends. Did you see a change when your child was able to hear?With us, our friends were positive in using and learning sign, but when not exposed to it daily, learning it is difficult. One cannot expect that all people in our lives will learn sign justbecause of our child. Even though they would be willing, there will always be friends that will not be able and a communication gap will grow.

We are Dutch, living in Norway, so our children grow up bi-lingual anyway, tri-lingual with thelittle sign the know and will learn. But for our daughter it was important that she would be ableto communicate in Dutch with family and Norwegian with our friends. (plus English, later on)

Have you waited especially until your daughter was older to get the operation?I think that her having sign as a first language will help her a lot.
But I disagree with you that CI will not change the fact that she is deaf. Of course she's still deaf but I feel that the additional sense she's having now will change her perception of deafnessin the future. I think that there is a difference between deaf, hoh and ci. I have noticed that within deaf culture it's difficult to say this since it's a sensitive topic, but from what I read it seems that when deaf people choose CI they set themselves apart from deaf culture (or are shunned from deaf culture)

Here in Norway the discussion is no longer IF a child should be implanted, but it has changed toHOW to educate the child. With Speech only or offering them both.

I met a wonderful young lady of 9-1/2 years old that spoke without problems. She's American, and took Norwegian class. Her teacher never noticed that she wore CI. The girl doesn't need sign but since it was her first language she wants to practice it, so there is still a connection with the deaf world.