She understands... or does she..??

Lotte is doing well. Most important, her teacher knows how to "see" Lotte. We're lucky to have her. Lots of progress. She's a little fighter..

Its difficult for outsiders to really "see" the child that has trouble hearing, because these children are masters in faking they understand the message. 

It's one of the things we have been focusing on a lot.. We tell her teachers, trainers.. "Do not think Lotte understands what you are saying. Not even when she says she does."'

We tell them to ask control questions....

Lotte does understand more and more but at the same time she's hiding some of the things she does not understand. When confronted with that, she will do a step back, smile and say "Oh yeh, I dont understand..". But not before..

It's understandable.. Lotte doesn't want to say every time she doesn't understand, and the teachers, friends, and at times us - parents - rather go on with the conversation than check if she did or did not understand.

Sometimes it doesn't harm to move on... sometimes it's important to verify that the message has gone through..

At the "Lotte-Parent-teacher" meeting the teacher told Lotte that if she doesn't understand, she needs to ask her. And if Lotte still doesn't understand, she should ask again.. It's up to her - Lotte's teacher - to make sure Lotte understands... 

Then I told Lotte that it is always OK to ask. In fact, not asking is the first mistake, and just writing down an answer without understanding the question is the second mistake..

Lotte hates making mistakes, so I hope this will be a motivating way of thinking....

Last week she had a math problem with a question like "What tracks does John have to run in order to run 6 km.?" which Lotte answered with "He has to train a lot.."

When we just point at he answer she is very quick to erase the answer... She realises it's wrong, or better said... she guessed wrong. Rather than thinking & asking when she does the exercise she just writes down the first that comes to mind.. 
Her reasoning is probably: If every question has an answer.. homework is finished...

At the end some tears due "trouble" with friends. Some frustration with friend teasing her.
She explained very well how she prefers to play 1 on 1. When there are more she see the other girls whispering and (often rightly probably) thinks its about her.
Then again.. with girls there's a lot of mental stuff going on... difficult for Lotte..
But she also shows wonderful compassion. How she includes other children when she sees someone is by him/her-self. And how she understands that you should not refuse children to play with you if they ask.. and that this is not valid just at school, but also outside school...

Again...
she's doing well... eager to learn, tell & ask in the classroom, eager to learn outside the classroom as well...

Finally a picture of Lotte in her element.. Watching/listening to movies on the iPad with her favorite friend...

"I am deaf when I am asleep"..

Each morning the children watch the "childrens news" from Holland.. (Jeugdjournaal)

Lotte's sister had sent in a picture regarding the weather, and it was shown in the broadcast in the evening..

So.. Lotte wants to send something to the Dutch television as well... OK.. Why don't you make a video.. Write down what you want to say, and we will tape it...

Good idea... 

Lotte starts writing, saying it out loud....... We’re listning to what she’s going to tell the Dutch viewers....

Hello.

My name is Lotte.

I am 9 years old.

I am deaf when I sleep.

I have CI so I can hear...

WOW... so that's how she sees it.. how she experiences it... 

We’ll leave it at this... no depth interview about how she feels etc.. we’ll just take this little pearl of wisdom and enjoy it..

(Video below (Dutch and Norwegian) Subtitles added.... direct link here)

Wake-up call

A few days ago, while sitting at the kitchen table after school, Lotte put up a grave face and began to tell, "Mummy, today at school we learned about [......]". We could'nt understand the last word. Asked her to repeat it. "We learned about [.......] in the park behind our house. You have to stay on the path. If the children do not stay on the path and go walking in the woods, they can get killed".

?

Bombs. The [...] word was 'bombs'. This is one of those moments where as a parent you have to think FAST. Luckily, having read the newspaper the day before, we remembered suddenly that there was going to be huge campaign in Norway for land mine victims in Cambodia a few days later. We were able to explain to Lotte that this was in a different country, that there was no need for her to be afraid. At first she didn't believe us, because this was told at school! The ultimate truth...... But after a bit of persuasiveness it seemed like the best option to believe us. We also took contact with the teacher and explained what had happened.

This is a perpect example of how Lotte gives meaning to the parts and pieces of spoken language which she is able to pick up. It is like this giant puzzle with holes in it, where she needs to fill in the gaps in order for her to give meaning to the story. Needless to say, this is not always on par with reality. Even though we know this, we let ourselves get fooled again and again, because Lotte is excellent at hiding that she has not understood. No matter how well Lotte is doing, stories like these are essential to make us understand that we have to stay aware of this, and pay attention.

Imagine what this idea about bombs in our neighborhood could have meant for Lotte, if it had been allowed to develop in her head over time. Ever so glad she is the gabby, talkative type and wears her heart on her sleeve!!

Good signs...

It's been a long time... again... I should improve on keeping the blog update more.
Because.. lot of stuff is happening... Lotte's days - and therefore her experiences - are mainly at school and the "SFO".. the organisation that takes care of the kids after school. (from about 13:30... )

Of course a lot is happening at home as well, but when you think of it, she starts fresh at school, and gets more and more tired during the day. When she comes home, she wants to play with friends, cycle do homework, talk to us... but she already had a long day...
But it's at school where she's doing the hard stuff. Interacting with other children. Paying attention in class. Mastering the subjects... Quite a challenge for a girl that was born deaf, and started hearing 2 years after she was born. There's a lot of catching up to do.
At times, we can see how well she's doing. Some times we can see how well she's doing despite her situation. Some times we can see how things are not in place.
For example, cognitively she is not at the level of a 7-year old. This became painfully clear last week when they had a performance on stage, organised by the "SFO". Lotte had mentioned that there was going to be a show. The show was late in the afternoon. Lotte's mother came to pick her up later so that Lotte could see the whole show.

Think of the surprise when she entered the school, to find Lotte on stage taking the second price.!!!

She and 3 boys had practised an act with hoola-hoops, but Lotte never mentioned that to us. She never told us to be there...

Another mother had seen Lotte perform and told what happened. What Lotte and the boys had done, so when Lotte came from the stage, full with pride, Lotte's mum could pretend that she had seen the show.

But it was such a painful moment. The first show - in front of public - of your deaf daughter that is working hard to keep up with her friends and you miss it.. (btw.. Someone made a video, so we will see her.. I'll post it here.. )

It just shows that as parents we have to make sure that the adults around Lotte know that not everything that is communicated to Lotte is understood. Lotte is great at pretending that she understands, but there's a lot that she doesn't get. This was one of those situations. It showed us that communication between SFO and us has to be done on paper. Actual, we know that, but the people at the SFO didn't realise it..

So, room for improvement..
(And... looking for a "hoola-hoop" picture... until then, the diabolo will have to do..)

Just some brainstorming....

Social or academic... ? .. Where to put the focus...???
Lotte needs a lot of support in order to keep up with school-work. Reading is going well, and improves with the amount of time we spend on it. Math, adding and substracting so far, requires help as well. Fortunately, she loves doing homework. She loves reading and she's OK with being corrected - gramatically. (That said.. the sentence "I know that.!" is used often by her.. :-) )
BUT.... she loves to get the bike and just go back to school... interact with the other children that are still there. Cycling from one place to another... Being with others....
How to combine this.??
An advantage is that.. this is Norway. We have no problem with her cycling off. She has a watch, and even though she can't tell time, she understands how the dials have to be for her to be home. She's very punctual...
A disadvantage is that.. this is Norway. Days are getting shorter quickly, and cycling in the dark is a No-No for Lotte. Also dusk is too dangerous.... so this leaves little time between getting home from school, and being back inside.

So... there's the dilemma. She needs exposure to both social interaction and the academic... The social part is obvious when friends come home with her. To her it's great, because she can interact 1 on 1. Put another 7-year old in the equation, and Lotte will not be able to keep up.
A couple of days ago this happened when she had a friend over, and the two played along fine. When a third child came at the scene the interaction, or attention is not distributely equally. Lotte will fall behind in the conversation and games, and will get frustrated about that. Lotte came to us and informed us that the latter had to go. She wanted the friend to herself.
For us it's interesting to watch the difference between a 7-year old that has heard all her life, and Lotte, who has been deaf for the first 2 years.
We can see that there is still a lot to catch up.
Lotte is doing really well, but she is only slowly catching up on the 2 years lost. It seems as if she caught up 1 year since she got CI, meaning that she's mentally a year behind the rest of the class..
Realising that can hurt.... or you can look at the other side... CI helped her to catch up.
Because, when she had had signlanguage from the start and because of that had not had a delay in cognitive development, she would still not be able to interact with all the children she's interacting with right now. She would have had just a couple of other friends that would speak sign. And they would only see each other during schooltime, and sporadic visits.
Now, CI has made her in a very social girl, attending the school as her brother and sister - close to home, outgoing, determined to say what she wants to say. Sure.... she could be that deaf/Deaf as well, but not in the hearing world.
She would not have been able to communicate with her grandparents. Even thought they could have learned sign, they would have been surpassed by Lotte in no time. Now, she talks to them on the phone when in Norway, directly when in Holland.
In a way we cannot imagine how Lotte's, and for that matter, ours, and our other childrens life would have looked like had Lotte not been able to hear...
It would have been completely different. Can't say if it would have been better, or worse... but very different.

Btw... she's allowed to cycle to school for 1/2 an hour.. then homework.. :-)

"I have to talk to you.."

Problem....??
Early this morning, a recurring subject came up again.
Sanne, Lotte's sister, same school, 3 classes ahead, complained that Lotte was playing with her and her friends, and not with her own friends...
Lotte was confronted with this, and said that sometimes the girls from her class told her she could not play with them...
Ouch...!!! that hurt.... so we contacted the teacher and asked her to check out the situation..

Several things are happening.
One thing is that Sanne is visiting Lotte's class as well. Paying a social visit, but obviously Lotte can do the same. So we had a little talk to Sanne and agreed that she would not visit Lotte's class for the time being.
Lotte was also confronted with her behavior of going to Sanne to play and leaving her own friends behind.
We called Lotte: "Lotte, come here, I have to talk to you.."
She was told that she shouldn't do this any more. Lotte listened, repeated, and went straight out the door to the trampoline..
A bit later she came in again, and said to her mother: "Mummy, I have to talk to you....
Why can I not play with Sanne??"
We gave the sophisticated answer "Because the teacher had said so..." (More authority than we.. :-) )
"Oh... OK" was the reply... and life continued...

Another thing that was observed is that actually kids did ask her to play, but Lotte chose not to participate..
This can have different reasons. Perhaps she really doesn't want to play with them, but more likely, she anticipated that she will not be able to follow the games the children play and therefore doesn't start..
With the delay she has - cognitive - I can imagine that this creates a problem sometimes. A lot of things that are second nature to those children are new to Lotte. And it will take time before that gap is closed.. She will catch up but it will take time....

Patience - I guess...

Just joking around...

Driving around, groceries... and Lotte is joining us..

She loves to go to the store...

On the way to the store she got a chewing-gum.... It's a treat as the kids hardly get one.... Only on long journeys... and when they are lucky, like today. At the end of the trip the chewing-gum is thrown away.... Part of the deal. No smacking, no swallowing and out of your mouth when we get out of the car. (We don't like to see them go around looking like goldfish on dry land... I know, we're terrible parents.... poor kids..)

Anyway, on the way back, Lotte quickly requested a chewing gum, and again she was lucky.... and happily started chewing..

While driving we told her a couple of times to close her mouth while chewing.... and suddenly.. she said.... 

"I swallowed it"... 

That's a real no-no... and we started explain to her that if she swollows it, she will get a tummy-ache, and she will not get any more chewing-gum.....

It didn't make an impression on her.... No panic reaction due to the vision of never having chewing gum again.... she just took the warning without problems.... No panic whatsoever.... something was not right....

.....and then she smiled and showed us the gum.... In her mouth the whole time...

Laughing out loud because she got us!!

A great joke, perfectly planned and peformed.... 

... something she would not have been able to do 6 months ago. She's growing up fast...