5 years ago... our view

This piece was presented on a conference (NAS 2005 in Stavanger Forum) with all Scandinavian (Iceland, Norway, Sweden, Finland and Denmark) experts on hearing/deafness.. Lotte's mother was there to give the point of view of the parent..

Reflections of a Mother

I would like to equipe my child with several different tools that give her the chance to feel being accepted and at home in more then just one language-area. What is needed of the hearing world so that my child can be met on her terms, so that one can meet in the place she is in?

I would like my child to be able to travel on two tracks on her journey through life, which are parallell. Inbetween the tracks there are invisible bridges, that make it possible to change track whenever needed, there are restingplaces on both sides, where it is lovely to stop for a while and relax.

Or may be it is easier (and cheaper?) to just follow one single track? Then however it is not so simple to jump to the other side, where it can be good to be every once in a while, to relax, to understand and to be understood.

The scenery is probably more visible from several sides. We see beautiful things on both sides, different things, sometimes it’s easier to see around a curve. The colours seem nowhere the same, and the world actually looks a bit bigger!

To be able to get to know both tracks, the child needs several guides during the journey. People that may be have been there before, who can show the way and give a security about the fact that this road is awsome and this we are going to manage really well...

Where do we buy tickets to this trip? And at what cost?

What do the guides need to know before we go on our way, and not in the least: how do we get the child to enjoy the journey?

Mother to Lotte Sofie, spring 2005

(If you want to use this, please refer to the blog or email me.)

Music school

"I want to go to the music-school"... Lotte said..
My wife wasn't sure she heard it correctly, so ask Lotte what she said..
"I want to go to the music-school" ..not so loud and clear. (We are working on talking with a soft voice..)
Many of the children in her class are signed up for this. Playing with instruments, singing. All in order to create a basis for music.
Still not sure if Lotte understood what happened in the music-class, my wife asked her "What do they do ther.?.
"Singing" Lotte replied. She is totally aware what's happening there, and wants to be part of it. (We're not really surprised.)

Of course she will go there. She loves singing and playing on her piano. She sees her brother playing guitar and her sister sings in a choir. Of course she must follow.

We never signed her up because we wanted to see how she would handle the transition from kindergarten to school.
As said before, that went without a problem. (Seems it happened overnight..) so there's no reason to keep her away from the music class. Just have to prepare the music-teacher about Lotte.)

So, another milestone. Our deaf daughter wants to make music.
And it is very touching to see her sing along with the music. It goes too fast for her most of the times, but now and again she suddenly hits the right note.
It's wonderful....
Still... lots of work to do in that area.!..

Homework..

Lotte is doing well at school.
Still not eager to go into the classroom by herself, but a good 10-second cry to ensure she knows that we know that she misses us is enough.
Singing is not easy, as expected. Remembering the words is difficult for her. But otherwise it is going well. Also thanks to the great job the teachers are doing.

Also, no holding back from the school's side. Straight away there's homework.
Even an English song that has to be learned. (1 little, 2 little, 3 little, Indians.. ) That's too difficult at the moment, but it shows us to practice the new rhymes, songs and new words.

But she loves going to school, loves coming home. She enjoys seeing her brother and sister there, and when possible playing with them.

There's a lot to do, but with the way things are going now, with the support from the school and the teachers we can see it is going to be a wonderful journey..

Sisterly love....

Today another change in time became clear. It is not that Lotte and her sister quarrel a lot, because they don't. But whereas before the reason for quarrelling mainly would be because of misunderstanding or lack of communication, we now see (or more accurately: hear) a shift to quarrelling because of Lotte becoming more and more able to be verbally argumentativ.


I'm virtually allergic to hear my kids quarrel, but in this case it's like music to my ears!

Mous

Sunday morning..

I wake up because of Lotte going to the bathroom. 5:30.! She had her quota of sleep and started the day. Playing in her room, chatting away until her brother or sister wakes up. Or outside the room, on the play area in front of our rooms, playing with the doll-house.
Her sister wakes up, and she joins her playing.

Her sister is reading to her, and singing to her. Lotte tries to keep up singing. Repeating the words her sister is reading to her.
It's great to listen to it. The big and little sister keeping each other company, teaching and learning.

Playing - Alone!!

Another milestone.
Until 3 weeks ago, Lotte would not be secure enough to play alone with someone she doesn't know well. For example, babysitters were relatively safe when we had put Lotte to bed. Otherwise, the "going-to-bed" routine could be a disaster.

3 Weeks ago, she joined her sister in playing at a neighbour, 4 houses up the road (not down..) and Lotte had a great time. The children over there are known from the kindergarten, but is was still a first that she was out half a day and enjoyed herself.

Today she went a step further. She loves riding the bike outside. She was OK for her mum to leave her alone outside, and played with the daughter of the neighbour down the road.
After a while, the neighbour called and said that the girl wanted to play inside... if that was OK.
OF COURSE !!!
First time that Lotte was secure enough to do this. She can make herself understand, and feels confident enough to handle the situation...

When finished she made it very clear that tomorrow she would play with her little friend again...
(Jeezzz it's not easy not to use names.... )

WOW, our little girl is growing.... and it goes so fast !!

A tribute to Lotte's brother and sister...

It has been said before, and I have no problem repeating it here again. Lotte is blessed with her brother and sister. They help her, teach her, amuse her and at times ignore her.... but all of it helps Lotte to grow..

Here a couple of pictures of 3 very good friends....

Writing

As mentionned before, Lotte loves to write as well.

She starts to get the idea of combining letters and create words. "Lotte", "mamma" and pappa" are favorites.

Early january, her sister helped her make a note to us (parents).

Her sister wrote "Hip Hura".. Lotte the rest...
I'm sure that seeing her brother and sister doing their homework, writing all the time, inspires her. She WANTS to do this...
I've said it before.... having a brother and sister is such a huge bonus!!

Good morning - New Batteries...

Yesterday, sunday, trying to sleep in... she came to our bed with the CI's already on. This we allready did a couple of hours before.. this way, Lotte can play with her brother and sister, we continue to get some more sleep...

However, suddenly she came into the room. She had noticed herself that the batteries were empty, so she brought us a new battery-pack (she knows where they are..) and told us to change them.

How's that for problem-solving cababilities.....!!

Good Morning... Change batteries.... NOW!!

Wonderful !!

Prelude to "Shut Up"

Yesterday, saturdag, lying in bed, sleeping in.... suddenly a knock on the door.
Lotte, getting bored watching TV with her brother and sister, insisted on chatting with us.
And there was lot's to chat about. Not going to the kindergarten, grandma coming today, after the theater-play, etc.

So she's chatting away, explaining about stuff... most we understand.

But then, when I tried to say something to her, the reply I got was "Quiet, daddy.... I'm talking to mommy"!!!

Well, there's the prelude to "shut up" for you.....

But we had to laugh soo hard, and Lotte with us. She loves the attention and is happy to play the act..

Singing

Lotte never sang in tune. She loves singing and can sing the melody but mostly out of tune...

Yesterday however she started to sing in tune.
She was sitting in the back of the car with her brother - (who's 5 years older) and together they continously sang the same song..

(We said it before.. she is so fortunate with 2 older siblings....!!)

So this is coming into place as well.
Sometimes one feels one cannot ask for more, since the whole technology is allready giving soo much, and then this happens.
Another milestone.

Lotte's own will.....

Having a bright young lady in the family (2 actually) that knows what she wants and is not afraid to demand it is wonderful.... It is helping her tremendously now and she will have great benefit of it later in life....

But obviously it has it's downsides.
She has a very good idea about what she wants to wear. And most of the times it is something not chosen by her mother. (allmost by default ?)
We allready made the concession that when clean clothes are to be chosen, she can pick from two sets. This will give her enough feeling that it is her choice that she will agree.
However, yesterday she was told to wear the same clothes today (poor child... ). However, she managed to dive into the closet and find a clean pair of pants. Since this would be the first hurdle of the day - we chose to look the other way. And as expected, the second hurdle was no problem. This is "how to wear her hair".

When hurdle one (cloths) has finally been taken (this can take some time, unlike today) hurdle two grows proportionally.

Today... it went smoothly. (see picture above)

Her stubburness can have something to do with her intelligence. Even though she hears a lot, there must still be a lot of moments that she realises that she doesn't understand what's going on. She knows she's missing something.
Her way to handle this is to have very fixed ways of behaving and any deviation from this can cause a demand in returning to HER way of things.

An example was today in the pre-school. Marieke brought her and instead of leaving the normal way, she left via another door. (She had to go to the admin to talk with the leader of the school) For Lotte, this was totally "out of the normal" and she reacted strongly to that. Refusing to let her mother go.
After calming her down, leaving through the "correct" door, Marieke entered the school through another door.

But it indicates Lottes strong sense to have everything in order.

Obviously, there could be another reason than a "feeling of missing something". But if this is the case, what if she had been deaf without CI.
She would have had even more the feeling of missing something. She would be able to communicate fine with us - her parents - and her siblings. Also with the other children in the kindergarten that know sign.
But she would have missed out in communication with her grandparents, with our friends, and with her siblings when the three of them watch television or a DVD.
With more activities than now from which she would have the feeling she's missing out, would she have reacted in the same way. Would she have been earlier with these kind of responses? We will never know.

What we do know is that we have a deaf girl that has no problem explaining to strangers what happened today, what she ate, the drawings she made ect. (For the strangers, understanding might have been a challenge..)
This happened yesterday as well, on the school where her siblings go. There was a celebration and Lotte chatted with everyone willing to listen.. She enjoyed herself the whole evening..
Below, she's helping her brother and sister with making a collage. She just jumped in with all these other - elder - children and started working. Chatting away..
(AllDeaf)

Siblings and attention

Having a brother and sister really helps Lotte in her development. All the (waking) time she will have children around her that are a rolemodel for speech.
But still, with a child that needs additional attention - due to a communication gap - the attention towards the other children is unintentionally reduced.
They are at an age that they understand how Lotte does need some priority and they handle it really well. So well, that it is not noticed....

That is, until it's obvious.
Yesterday, Lotte had one of her stubborn moods. Refusing to put on cloths that were chose by her mom. Discipline didn't help and with a mother that needs to address two other children that need breakfast and need to go to school, frustration grows rapidly (I was offshore, so I was no help...)
The atmosphere at the start of such a day is far from good, but as I said, the other two are handling it really well.

But they need more attention. Attention without Lotte around. Attention just to them.
So, we hire a babysitter for saturday that will take care of Lotte (they know each other from the kindergarten) and Jelle and Sanne will be treated to a nice afternoon in the cinema and restaurant.

And these kind of things will have to happen more often, because it is too easy to forget the help one gets from the others.

---

It would be interesting to find out how the development of a child depends upon it's place in the family. A only-child with CI will have a different development compared to a child that has siblings. And even with brothers and sisters, the development of a deaf child will depend if the child is the oldest or youngest (or in the middle).
Would Lotte have developed if she had had a younger sibling... probably... because this sibling might have been at the same stage of speech development.

Anyway, we feel blessed with how it turned out; Lotte as the youngest with an older brother and sister....
She has no idea (yet) of how lucky she is!

Playing the flute

Yesterday, her sister, Sanne came home with a recorder and enjoyed playing on it. That was enough motivation for Lotte to find one herself and blow on it as well. In no time the house was filled with random notes... most of them false.
My wife helped Sanne to play a tune. She closed the holes, while Sanne blew. This went fine, and of course, Lotte also wanted to do this. And this went GREAT!! She blew at the correct intervals, excellent timing. She picked it up from her sister and repeated it without problems.

Couldn't resist putting this picture here. She collapsed the day before, being dead-tired and dirty as a pig... This was the result when she came down the next morning....

Good Morning !!!

(AllDeaf)

Reading

With the subject of reading being so important brought up, I thought of posting some pictures of Lotte and her big brother. (9 years)

She doesn't even realise how lucky she is with her brother and sister.

Those two are tight. All three of them, but Lotte and her brother have a special bond.
When she's angry, annoyed, upset, or just doesn't want to calm down, he will not be able to watch it and will comfort her...
And it will work. He's got so much patience that he'll be able to get her out of any dip.
Fortunately, it doesn't happen too often....

You should see them kissing each other (the 3 of them) good night. It's part of the ritual for going to bed.
Lotte will give the other two a kiss, then me and then her mother will go in with her and the'll sing a couple of songs.
The same songs that a year ago we would do with sign only!.....
It all goes so fast!!

Communicating

From Left to right: Lotte, her sister and a friend.... COMMUNICATING, HAVING FUN

Hearing

I'm Cloggy's wife and Lottes mum. Cloggy said it was OK for me to chip in, problem is I usually don't take the time and sit down behind our PC other then checking my mail. I read some of your posts, and thought it would be nice to tell you a small anecdote from a couple of days ago (maybe Cloggy already told you, forgive me if so...).
Our two girls were playing upstairs, the oldest, Sanne, is hearing and 7 years old. From underneath the staircase I shouted: "Sanne, Lotte, dinner is ready!!!". Immediately I heard Lotte reply to her hearing sister: "Sanne, Sanne, come and eat!". Where we very often have to ask for a reply from the two hearing kids, we get it from Lotte spontaneously (wonder though how long that is going to last.....). Having called the other two kids "hearing", I must tell you that when Lotte is wearing her CI's, I do regard her as hearing too. Why, she has better hearing then my Mum!
Luckily, we can communicate through sign rather well, and we do believe that her learning sign at an early stage was an important "base" in order to learn the spoken language later on. For a long time we have used sign in addition to the spoken words, until we saw that Lotte herself started to use them less and less. Now we're at a stage where she will enthousiastically tell us something that obviously is important to her, she'll babble with no sign whatsoever, and we have no clue what she is talking about! Then we have to say, please use some sign so we know what you mean!!! To see her enjoying using her voice and communicating throug that voice, whether it is talking or singing, is a great gift.

(AllDeaf)

Breakfast

This morning, my 2 daughters were playing on the floor above. (1 deaf, 1 hearing). When my wife had finished making the table for breakfast, she told to them "Breakfast is ready!". Then she heared Lotte say to her sister.... "come.. breakfast ready".

Isn't that great, the deaf child passing on the message to the hearing one!
(AllDeaf)